you said the deer hanging upside down in your grandpa’s
shed was a sign the boys had a good day and the winter
would be nice and we could all drink a beer together to
celebrate even though we did not have to do any killing
and we were not old enough to drink and I said I was going
to be sick and deer hanging upside down reminded me of hate
crimes and you said these woods have no hate and you did not
understand what I was saying sometimes and I have been in the
woods before I have studied cracking branches under bodyweight
and I have spied in every landscape but the woods with you wasn’t
like my cousins’ woods or my dad running with a BB gun and me
laughing because I knew he’d never kill anything and it wasn’t that
I thought you wanted that deer to get killed but I had suspicion you
did not care either way and that indifference made me more sick but I
choked back my tears and vomit so your grandpa didn’t call me a wuss
and so we could all clink beers and act happy that the deer was dead
for the sake of
Photo by Mathias Reding on Unsplash
