What I was like when I came in

I liked the feeling of being knifed to piecesand sent bleeding down a hilllike earth torn in torrential rainsracing through an innocent village

I might have loved elephants but laughed when I escaped with a tusk

I liked watching you disappearafter I fucked you, like someonepulled beneath the surfaceof the ocean by a hungry shark

I might have loved you but I was busy swimming away

I liked to think I was the bloodemptied from an innocent throatbut really I was the knifeleft on the floor smiling silver teeth

you should have known better than to sit on the stairs all night waiting to see if I’d stop breathing

I was a ghost slipping past you,a sly hand brushing the back of your dressas I escaped into the terrorof another sleepless night

I believed in time warps I honestly didn’t think you’d notice I’d been gone

I defied god’s will for me and hidin dark ugly places hopingyou wouldn’t see mehoping you wouldn’t miss me

I grew used to sleeping in my own urine and getting an aids test every 6 months

I believed my demons to be deitiesgiving me all the stars in the skyall the universemy own exploding orgasm

I wasn’t measured in my response to impulse

there is no heart availableto the obsessive mindthat only craves more and moreand I craved more and more

I awoke most mornings without the ability to love anything or anyone

More in this issue