Love like a plan gone wrongToday I woke up and decided to be beautifulEveryday feels like a song in my headLooking to escapeWords rushing out of mouthI like the wanting as it comes to me – hurried, unfinished, hesitantThis morning, I smoked another cigaretteLungs charred, legs splayed openYour fingers feel like veins poppingAcross my foreheadTracing maps of landsI’ll only visit in the dreams I forget to remember*Muslim women don’t make loveGarters don’t hug our thighsSuggestions under our hijabsI like to get my pussy licked a lot but nobody seems to lick it rightI tell you how your tongue should moveCircular, soft like slow motion autumn leaves turning tricks on the tarmacMy mother taught me to hug frail boys when they sleepMy body turns itself inside out,I hug myself and I dare let my thumb rest against your crown*You only ever cared about building a lifeBrick and mortar, rent paid on time, change your furniture every seasonLife was daily domestic chores interrupted by a smoke and a kissThe girl with the whiter skin, limbs slender and sturdyArms wrapped around herself like leaves droopingQuietly, begging for careWe sleep with our backs turned to each otherWeary;We’ve run out of fingers to count our moments together*Cold medicine trickling down the back of my throat, you tell me I’m beautifulOn most days, I can’t bear to look in the mirrorThirty squats, three reps of eachSuck your stomach in, get your push-up bra on,Line the brows, shimmer at the side of my mouthWhere your tongue barely grazes as it finds itsLanding stripPun intended, I swallow up the looks hungrilySo unattractive in my naked need