BEGINNINGS

All of the gin joints in all of the towns and you had to walk into this one*
Beginnings don’t flow as easily as they used to, they were a
Cup already overflowing, but still being filled up past the brim with words and sentences and laughter
Dirtying the floor with adjectives and phrases and jokes that I couldn’t find room for anymore.
Everything, everything, was joy and dreams and
Fire. It was a feathered bird peeking out over its nest and
Glowing coals being raked over a
Hearth that somehow smelt like
Ice cream and a muddy dog and salt water taffy
Jam. Beginnings are not meant to have endings, no XYZ. I do not quite
Know what has changed.
Life flows past me a little harder now,
Meandering lazily through bends where earlier it rushed past.
Now, beginnings are slow and hard and I question them. Looking out for
Obvious clichés and traps that will entangle me, ensnare me, take me down
Paths and lanes I am not ready to travel.
Questioning everything, everything that used to be a given.
Railings are made to trip over and Horizons are just lines
Separating me from where I am and where I want to be.
Time has turned the old words to ashes in my mouth, left me with burnt embers hanging off my
Uvula. The Blue of the sky turned into a
Violent violet and everything has
Withered.

*Line adapted from a dialogue in the movie Casablanca(1942)